“I love you. You are wonderful. I am always here for you. You can always count on me!”
Oh, how sweet those words sound. Have you ever heard them from someone special? Maybe from your partner, your parents… or from yourself? While looking in the mirror? I bet you’ve never said something like THAT to yourself!
What you say to yourself probably sounds more like: “Omg, I look awful today! These dark circles under my eyes! And another pimple? Quick, where’s the MAKEUP? And my hair? Disaster—I can’t leave the house like this!”
(I could go on forever…) Right? 😁
Sounds like a cliché, I know. Sadly, I hardly know any women who walk into the bathroom in the morning, smile widely at themselves and say: “Oh, good morning, you wonderful, amazing woman. You look amazing! I love you and wish you a beautiful day!” The idea of doing that feels like an extreme challenge for many—maybe even harder than any physical workout. (But I truly wish EVERY woman would do this every day. It would be so, so healing for the world! 😌)
Women in particular are often caught up in this cycle of self-hatred and constant self-improvement. We’re never good enough as we are. Just look around in stores, scroll through Instagram or TikTok, or flip through women’s magazines. Everywhere you go, you’re reminded that you need to be prettier, trendier, slimmer—and most of all, confident and sexy. Because only “strong” women make it.
(Sounds pretty masculine to me. But that’s another story. 😉)
But what does it even mean to “make it” in our world? And who ever truly feels like they have made it? There’s so much pressure coming from our society and culture. We’re constantly under strain. We feel the need to prove ourselves—to our bosses, our parents, our friends, and even to ourselves.
Now, determination, motivation, and goal-setting are definitely good things—but not when you’re constantly stressed and slowly (or quickly) burning out. And unfortunately, many of us are…
BUT—here comes the other but: This is where self-love comes in. Self-love has the power to break the cycle (Yeehaw!)
So, what is self-love and why do I need it?
Self-love has nothing to do with shopping, makeup, fashion or being successful. (Sorry, not sorry!) It also has nothing to do with self-optimization—in fact, that’s the opposite of self-love.
Still, self-love sounds super selfish, narcissistic, and arrogant, doesn’t it? Well, my dear, I have to disappoint you: Real self-love is none of that.
Real self-love makes you strong, self-aware, confident, loving, calm, empathetic, and opens your heart to others. It also helps you set healthy boundaries for yourself.
Let me share a not-so-well-kept secret that many know but few truly understand: Self-confidence comes from within. From the inner feeling that you are worthy—just because you are. And self-love leads to self-confidence.
On social media, you often see women constantly posting selfies, sexy reels, and striking confident poses. And maybe you think, “Wow, she must be really confident. Her life must be easy. I bet she always gets what she wants. Not like me…”
But for many of these women, those posts are actually a way to boost their self-worth. They need external validation. Behind it, there’s often a lot of self-criticism and insecurity—(why else so many filters?).
Unfortunately, many people never get the sense that they are valuable or worthy. Most of our harsh and self-directed thoughts are recordings of ingrained childhood programming—indoctrinated by society and passed down from our parents.
But with self-love, you can fight back! You can take the reins and start learning how to feel valuable. Just as you are right now.
And yes—it’s something you have to learn. And learning takes time and it is work. A lot of work. 😰
All you need is a mirror and a bit of courage
Now let me introduce you to this simple but powerful practice: the MIRROR EXERCISE! (Adapted from Louise Hay – the self-love queen).
Go to the mirror and look yourself in the eyes. Smile at yourself. And say: “I love you.”
Say it at least three times and observe how you feel. Some women even start to cry, feel angry with themselves, or find they can’t bring themselves to say it. And all of that is OKAY. Just observe. Don’t push or pressure yourself. If you can’t or don’t want to say it—then don’t.
That’s already the first step toward loving yourself: accepting and validating your feelings, exactly as they are in this moment. Without thinking they’re wrong or inappropriate. And even if you feel they’re inappropriate—just notice that feeling too. Then go on with your day.
But try again later. Don’t give up. Repeat the exercise every day—morning, evening, and anytime you catch your reflection in a mirror. At some point, something will shift.
This exercise takes a lot of courage, stepping outside your comfort zone, and above all—patience. But the reward is huge. Soon, it becomes fun. You’ll look forward to it. You’ll get a warm, lasting feeling from it.
Slowly, you’ll build a relationship with yourself.
Slowly, you’ll be able to rely on yourself.
Slowly, you’ll become your own best friend.
SLOWLY. There are no shortcuts, no quick fixes, no tips and tricks. It’s real, slow, and sometimes frustrating work.
I still remember my first attempts to talk to myself in the mirror. Not just talk, but to actually squeeze those loving words out of my mouth. Literally “squeeze.” It was a challenge. An extremely weird feeling. I stared at myself for a few minutes and just couldn’t say anything. And then the words finally came: “I like you.” I couldn’t manage “I love you.” So I started with the lighter version—it felt much better. And that’s exactly the point of this exercise: To feel GOOD with yourself (at some point 😉 ).
By now, it’s no problem at all for me to say the sentence at the very top out loud to myself. I love it! It feels so good! And I swear—it has helped me TREMENDOUSLY in (emotionally) difficult situations. Without it, I would have fallen apart. But because of it, I was there for myself.
In the middle of the night, when I was feeling terrible, someone was there for me—me.
THE MAGIC SENTENCE
You can always add an “I still like myself anyway” to the end of any negative thing you say or think about yourself!
For example:
“I really can’t look at myself right now… but I still like myself ANYWAY.
“I look terrible today… but I still like myself ANYWAY.”
“Oh man, I messed up again… but I care about myself ANYWAY.”
“I’m so stupid… but I still like myself ANYWAY.”
Doesn’t sound so bad anymore, does it?
It’s really about starting to feel GOOD with yourself. Just as you are! Whether you feel ugly, fat, unattractive, insecure—doesn’t matter. Just try to accept it. Yeah, I know how hard it can be! And I still have weak—not just moments, but days, even weeks. That’s just how it is.
Your brain has been playing the same song for 20, 30, 40, 50 years. Now you’re learning a new song. And that takes time. So relax, and keep going with learning to like yourself.
What does your menstrual cycle have to do with self-love?
You’ll soon notice that this exercise feels easier on some days and harder on others.
You can thank your hormones! During ovulation, it’ll feel easy to do the mirror exercise. But during the premenstrual/luteal phase, you won’t even want to look in the mirror—let alone say something nice? No thanks! But that’s exactly when it’s essential. Push through, my dear. Notice the changes—and don’t be hard on yourself if it really doesn’t work some days. If you want to learn more about your menstrual cycle and how it affects your emotional and physical well-being each month—like a Swiss-made clock—download my free e-book.
Soon, I’ll be releasing an e-book with 6 powerful ways to master your luteal phase and PMS. It’s packed with practical tips, hormone-friendly insights, and gentle mindset shifts that can make a real difference.
If your cycle tends to throw you off every month, this guide will help you feel more in control—and more connected to yourself. I’ll let you know when it’s ready to purchase!
One last thing: DON’T TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY! 💗
